As we enter the holiday season, I am mindful of how life transitions can impact tradition. As a psychotherapist, I often support people through difficult life transitions and adjustment to change. Some are going through the holidays for the first time after the loss of a loved one. Others are reinventing tradition after relocating or changing jobs. Some are coping with a family change such as separation or divorce and are in the process of understanding what components of their tradition to keep or change.
So what is it like to be home for the holidays for people undergoing these types of life transitions and how do we cope?
We must examine what “home” for the holidays really means. What makes our tradition a tradition? For this, I consider my own personal life experience. These past two years have marked significant changes for my extended family. My parents relocated to Chicago after living for more than 25 years in the same home. We also moved my 87-year-old grandmother out of her family home of more than 60 years into a senior apartment complex. These two changes alone created a chain reaction of what to do for our holiday traditions and for my out-of-town sister and other relatives who return to Michigan each holiday. This proved to turn upside down the question of where exactly is “home” for the holidays?
While it certainly gave us pause to pass through December without my parents hosting the annual Christmas brunch at their home as they had done traditionally for 20 years, or not to gather around my grandmother’s large dining room table as we did for almost every holiday and significant family celebration, it did not ultimately change the meaning of the gatherings overall.
These transitions were difficult to adjust to, but they did not take away the feeling of togetherness, the laughter or the importance of our connectedness as a family.
Sometimes we can almost create a sense of anxiety when we focus on the “outer” details of upholding traditions in terms of where, when and how. When we do this, we are missing out on the “inner” importance of what the ritual of these traditional holidays can really provide us.
It’s certainly not the repetition of special recipes or matching tableware that create a legacy of memories through the years. It’s the deep and meaningful feelings of generosity, peace, love and kindness that the holidays can manifest as they pass.
Despite whatever life transition you may be experiencing, I hope you find a way to remain mindful of the inner importance of all that is meaningful to you this holiday season. No matter where you are, home is where the heart is.